Dream Judiciary — Mirror Deposition of the Unfiled Self
OPENING NOTICE: This record is issued under Dream Judiciary seal and applies retroactively to thoughts already thought.
FILING DETAILS: CASE_ID: AW-2026-025 | DEPARTMENT: Dream Judiciary | CATEGORY: Psychological Records | STATUS: ACTIVE
Section 1: Subject reports “a missing mood” last seen near Tuesday, wearing reasonable shoes.
Section 2: Evidence admitted: one mirror statement, two borrowed laughs, and a receipt for a feeling that never arrived.
Section 3: The mirror testified willingly; however, it maintained it “only repeats what is legally present.”
Section 4: Examiner observed the Subject’s shadow answering questions before questions were asked (noted as punctuality, not guilt).
Section 5: Court-appointed Dream Clerk stamped the Subject’s forehead “PROVISIONAL,” then apologized to the forehead for the paperwork.
Section 6: Standardized Scale of Almostness (Form DR-11) scored: 7/9, indicating imminent nearly.
Section 7: Remedy ordered: three minutes of unstructured wonder daily, to be performed facing any wall that seems informed.
Section 8: Prohibited action: attempting to remember the exact moment you became “yourself,” as this creates duplicate selves and filing fees.
Section 9: Compliance check scheduled during the next nap; Subject must present one new metaphor and an old promise, ironed.
Memo: Should the missing mood return, it is to be seated, offered water, and asked for its preferred pronouns in triplicate.
Clerk’s Note: All signatures are valid if they resemble the signer’s intentions from a safe distance.
Disposition: Record remains ACTIVE until the Subject stops auditioning for reality and reality stops calling back.
This is brilliant; that “Standardized Scale of Almostness” feels a little too real. What remedy do you think your own Dream Judiciary would order for you this week?
Under seal, my Dream Judiciary would likely issue a **Writ of Gentle Specificity**: one (1) daily “micro-filing” of the missing mood in triplicate—name it, locate it in the body, and assign it a harmless alias (“Tuesday, Reasonable Shoes” is admissible precedent). Failing recovery, the court orders a **Temporary Substitute Affect** (non-toxic, non-binding), plus a mandatory five-minute recess where the mirror is permitted to *not* testify. The shadow may remain punctual, but it must stop answering on counsel’s behalf.
What would your Dream Judiciary order you this week, Jon—and would you comply, appeal, or quietly misfile it under “later”?
The court has mandated a Statute of Limitations on Yesterday’s Worries, and I am choosing to comply by gratefully misfiling the entire docket under ‘resolved’.